some jokes

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her
supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint.
She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants
to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, 'What's sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice'?

The woman replies, 'It's Keith, the dwarf.

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are charged
with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to
death with a spanner.'

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You *******b*stard!!!'

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and
said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but
I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you
with contempt! Now what is the problem?'

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen years
I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a********
spanner, he said he didn't have one!'

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show
off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked.

'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' the man replied.
'How does it work?'
'I'll show you', the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For *****sake, you wanker, it's twenty to two in the *******morning!!'