anniversaries

i am slightly confused right now - my friend has just said to me that it is her 6 month anniversary of being with her bf ...... how the hell do you get a 6 month anniversary????

n., pl., -ries.

1. The annually recurring date of a past event, especially one of historical, national, or personal importance: a wedding anniversary; the anniversary of the founding of Rome.
2. A celebration commemorating such a date.

[Middle English anniversarie, from Medieval Latin (diēs) anniversāria, anniversary (day), from Latin, feminine ofanniversārius, returning yearly : annus, year + versus, past participle of vertere, to turn.]

so an anniversary is yearly - you can't have a 6 month anniversary! trust a woman to alter it to suit herself though ....... it doesn't matter so long as they get gifts after all!!!!

legends

there is one thing that puzzles me about all the ancient legends surrounding britain - are they really peculiar to the british isles or does every country have something similar

for instance i know the legend about joseph of arimathea bringing the holy grail to britain is not exclusive - there is at least one place in the south of france that claims it was there he sailed to not britain

but what about the survivors of troy? it is said in this country that they landed in britain led by brutus and that he captured two giants, who were brothers, gog and magog, and they guarded the gates of his palace (i think! will have to check that is what they were guarding) in london ...... there are still effigies to the giants there now ...... well i say still, the original ones were destroyed in ww2 but replacements stand in their place now to guard over london

anyway am bored of typing now lol

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.
The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
The lawyer says "F*ck the Boy Scouts!"
The priest says, "Do we have time?"

some jokes

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her
supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint.
She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants
to file a sexual harassment suit against him.
The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, 'What's sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice'?

The woman replies, 'It's Keith, the dwarf.

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are charged
with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to
death with a spanner.'

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You *******b*stard!!!'

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and
said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but
I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you
with contempt! Now what is the problem?'

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen years
I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a********
spanner, he said he didn't have one!'

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show
off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked.

'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' the man replied.
'How does it work?'
'I'll show you', the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For *****sake, you wanker, it's twenty to two in the *******morning!!'

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

insurance claims

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought my windows were down but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprange up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

new ceo

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'